Zidane vs. Materazzi, Jones vs. Gascoigne, Who Would Win in a Fight?

With recent stories involving disagreements and arguments involving Jose Mourinho and Arsene Wenger, Landon Donovan and Jurgen Klinsmann and Roy Keane and pretty much everyone, it may be time for someone to promote an event and get these people into the ring to settle their scores instead of going about it on the field or through the press. We have all played that game where we debate out of two people, who would win in a fight. Well we’re taking it to the next step. The First ever 32 Flags Soccer Slobberknocker will settle the scores of these rivalries once and for all. Part 1 will feature fantasy matches and matches which have been brewing for many years whereas Part 2 tomorrow will feature the more recent contests which have been in the news recently.



MATCH 1 – Mike Ashley and Alan Pardew vs. two Newcastle supporters

WHAT LED TO THE MATCH: Newcastle has always had a large, dedicated fan base. While they haven’t won a major trophy since 1976 (and I’m counting the Capital One Cup here), the fans still come out in droves. After having a great 2011-12 season where Newcastle finished 5th and gained a Europa League spot, Alan Pardew was given an eight year extension on his contract. Now that the team is struggling and Pardew is having some controversial moments as manager, the fans want him fired. Knowing that he would need to buy out Pardew’s large extension for that to happen, Mike Ashley is sticking with his manager because he has routinely been an owner who spends on the cheap side. Almost every Newcastle supporter wants the two out of Newcastle. We’re going a little out of the realm from a traditional boxing match by it being a two-on-two match. The two Newcastle supporters would be average Newcastle fans but knowing Mike Ashley, he would try to auction off the spots to raise some more money.

WHO WINS: With the amount of anger Newcastle supporters have on Mike Ashley and Alan Pardew, Ashley and Pardew don’t stand a chance. While it would probably end after one round, the Newcastle supporters would have a little fun with it and it would end in round 4 or 5 with a couple of TKO’s.



MATCH 2 – Zinedine Zidane vs. Marco Materazzi

WHAT LED TO THE MATCH: In one of the most enduring images in modern soccer. One of the greatest soccer players ever is walking past the World Cup Trophy with his head down as he ended his playing career on a headbutt to another player resulting in a red card. We came to find out later that Materazzi insulted Zidane’s sister but the damage was done. Whether the headbutt was right in that instance or not, the right call by the referee was made and Zidane was sent off. Italy would win the World Cup on penalties soon after. Zidane and Materazzi still haven’t talked about it to each other and Zidane said he would “rather die than apologize” so let’s get them in the ring to settle it once and for all.

WHO WINS: This match would be a hard fought contest between two people who genuinely don’t like each other even after eight years. In the end, Materazzi may have won on the soccer field but Zidane would win in the ring. The lack of another World Cup on his mantle and the overwhelming support of the French people would motivate Zidane but it would go the distance and Zidane would win with a majority decision.



MATCH 3 – Vinnie Jones vs. Paul Gascoigne

WHAT LED TO THE MATCH: That image, is one of the most enduring images in soccer history. Vinnie Jones gets “fresh” with Paul Gascoigne during a 1988 FA Cup game between Wimbledon and Newcastle. Jones’ job was to stay on Gascoigne and make sure he didn’t have a good game and he definitely did that. Gascoigne would be psyched out from the incident, which wasn’t noticed by the referees, and Wimbledon went on to win 3-1. Wimbledon would then go on to win the 1988 FA Cup in one of the greatest upsets in soccer history.

WHO WINS: Jones gets the better of his opponent throughout the match but he will go to the well one too many times, so to speak. This time, the referee will notice and Gascoigne wins the match due to disqualification in round 10.


PART 2 will be posted tomorrow. In part 2, we will talk about Roy Keane vs. Sir Alex Ferguson, Jose Mourinho vs. Arsene Wenger and Landon Donovan vs. Jurgen Klinsmann.

About Phillip Bupp

News editor for The Comeback and Awful Announcing, highlight consultant for Major League Soccer as well as a freelance writer for hire. Opinions are my own but feel free to agree with them. Follow me on Twitter @phillipbupp