Mourinho vs. Wenger, Donovan vs. Klinsmann, Who Would Win in a Fight?

With recent stories involving disagreements and arguments involving Jose Mourinho and Arsene Wenger, Landon Donovan and Jurgen Klinsmann and Roy Keane and pretty much everyone, it may be time for someone to promote an event and get these people into the ring to settle their scores instead of going about it on the field or through the press. We have all played that game where we debate out of two people, who would win in a fight. Well we’re taking it to the next step. The first ever 32 Flags Soccer Slobberknocker will settle the scores of these rivalries once and for all. Part 2 is going to feature fights based on things you have been reading about in the press just recently. Some have been brewing for months, some have been brewing for years but they are all over the soccer blogosphere right now.


MATCH 4 – Roy Keane vs. Sir Alex Ferguson

WHAT LED TO THE MATCH: How do I put this nicely, Roy Keane isn’t the most agreeable fella in the sport. The man seems to get into scuffles and arguments and grudges against a who’s who of people in the soccer industry. I could have about 20 or 30 names in here but I will go for the most notable name on Roy’s crap list and that is Sir Alex Ferguson. Keane played for Ferguson from 1993 to 2005 and Keane left the team on rather bad terms feeling that Fergie should have done more for the team and that he was wrong to criticize former players to the public after they had left the team. I don’t know, that’s kind of like the pot calling the kettle black but I digress. Keane just released his autobiography titled, “Roy Keane: The Second Half,” which goes in depth on his soccer career and his relationship with Fergie. Some people, he makes amends but he still holds grudges to some others and Fergie is in the latter.

WHO WINS: Ignore the age difference between the two people and imagine Fergie is closer to Keane’s age. The fight would go the distance but Sir Alex will get the ref to give an additional round and Fergie will get the TKO in “Fergie Time.”


MATCH 5 – Jose Mourinho vs. Arsene Wenger

WHAT LED TO THE MATCH: Mourinho and Wenger haven’t liked each other at all. They have been critical of the other in the press and genuinely have a dislike for the other. Their differing styles came to ahead when Wenger came over and shoved Mourinho out of the way as the two were discussing a bad call with the fourth official. Pregame talk and shoving on the sideline, it all sounds like they want to put on the gloves.

WHO WINS: Given their management styles, Jose Mourinho is accustomed to “parking the bus” and counterattacking, he is going to employ Muhammad Ali’s “rope-a-dope” strategy and let Wenger tire himself out. Once Wenger is tired, Mourinho goes into the counterattack and gets the TKO in the 14th round.


MAIN EVENT – Landon Donovan vs. Jurgen Klinsmann

WHAT LED TO THE MATCH: Let’s see…Klinsmann cuts Donovan off the World Cup roster, Klinsmann’s son makes fun in an embarrassing tweet soon after. Donovan criticizes Klinsmann for the move and claims he hasn’t talked to Klinsmann. Sources at US Soccer said that Klinsmann and his son reached out to Donovan at various times as Donovan maintains that he hasn’t had contact. Klinsmann said he and his son tried reaching out but Donovan had changed his phone number and email address. The two exchanged words in the press and while the two “hugged” last night for Donovan’s last game and they seem to have a basic respect for each other, the two seem like they have more to say on the matter and are being held back. Wouldn’t you want to pay $59.99 to see these two in a ring?

WHO WINS: This contest will fall less on conventional strategy and more on two guys just venting their frustrations on one another. Sometimes, emotion just wins out on these kinds of things and it would no doubt be a classic. Just like how the USMNT plays, the match will be exciting and both people will have determination to drive themselves through the match. As far as who wins, I pondered this long and hard myself, and the most fitting end would be that it would go to the judges and would be ruled a draw. In typical USMNT fashion, both people have the heart of a lion but both will fall just short of victory.


With that, we come to the end of the first ever 32 Flags Soccer Slobberknocker. I’m now putting on my boxing commentator hat (or tux) to say that we hope you had fun and to tune in next time where I’m sure Donovan vs. Klinsmann II will occur.

About Phillip Bupp

News editor for The Comeback and Awful Announcing, highlight consultant for Major League Soccer as well as a freelance writer for hire. Opinions are my own but feel free to agree with them. Follow me on Twitter @phillipbupp